#1
What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?
Catch up!
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#2
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
Bison.
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#3
What did the daddy spider say to the baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
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#4
Why did the baby cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer so long.
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#5
Why do dads carry extra socks?
In case they get cold feet.
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#6
What do you call a dad who falls through the ice?
A popsicle.
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#7
What did the mama broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
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#8
Why do dads always carry a map?
They like to take a dad trip.
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#9
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where's popcorn?
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#10
My wife asked me to put the dishes in the sink.
I didn't know we had a swimming pool.
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#11
What did the dad say when his kid asked for 50 bucks?
40 bucks? What do you need 30 bucks for?
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#12
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
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#13
What's a baby computer's first word?
Data.
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#14
Why did the dad bring a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
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#15
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
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#16
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper.
She said, 'Newspapers are so last century. Use my iPad.' That fly never knew what hit it.
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#17
Why do dads make bad comedians?
Because all their jokes are fully groan.
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#18
My son asked me to put his shoes on.
But they didn't fit me.
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#19
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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#20
What do you call a dad who's been sleeping all day?
Well-rested.
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#21
Why did the father cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse for the kids.
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#22
What did the mama volcano say to the baby volcano?
I lava you.
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#23
What time did the dad go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
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#24
My daughter asked for a pony for Christmas.
I told her we couldn't get a pony because we already had a stable relationship.
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#25
What did the dad coffee say to the kid coffee?
Hey there, little mugger.
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#26
What's a parent's favorite candy?
Laffy Taffy — because they love telling jokes.
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#27
Why do dads always tell terrible jokes?
Because they want their kids to be in-groan.
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#28
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
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#29
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
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#30
What did the mom spider say to the little spider?
You're spending too much time on the web.
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#31
Why did the dad take the dog to the flea market?
Because the dog needed new friends.
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#32
I just found out I'm colorblind.
The news came out of the purple.
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#33
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
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#34
My kid said they wanted to hear a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
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#35
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Clause.
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#36
Why did the dad joke book go to therapy?
It had too many issues.
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#37
What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep!
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#38
My daughter wanted me to help her with her math.
But I told her it's not my problem.
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#39
What do you call a dad who shovels snow?
A de-icer.
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#40
What did the baby strawberry say to the mommy strawberry?
I love you berry much.
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#41
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
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#42
What do you call a sleeping baby dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
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#43
Why do kids love trampolines?
Because they're bouncing with joy.
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#44
What did the dad say to the broken clock?
You need to get your hands fixed.
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#45
My kids asked me if I was going to put them on a timeout.
I said, 'Only if you give me some peace and quiet first.'
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#46
Why did the brother give his sister a blank piece of paper for Christmas?
He told her it was an invisible gift.
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#47
What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
An infantry.
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#48
What does a house wear?
Ad-dress.
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#49
My son said he wanted to be a comedian when he grows up.
I told him he was already a joke.
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#50
What do you call a dad who loves cooking pancakes?
A flipping genius.
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