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Animals & Pets

The animal kingdom's finest puns. From cats to cows, these jokes are wildly funny.

50 jokes — Click any card to reveal the punchline

#1
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
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#2
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
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#3
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
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#4
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
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#5
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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#6
What do you call a dog that does magic?
A Labracadabrador.
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#7
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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#8
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
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#9
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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#10
Why don't oysters share?
Because they're shellfish.
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#11
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken.
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#12
What's a cat's favorite color?
Purr-ple.
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#13
Why do elephants never use computers?
They're afraid of the mouse.
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#14
What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
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#15
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
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#16
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
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#17
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you want. He can't hear you.
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#18
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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#19
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
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#20
Why don't leopards play hide and seek?
Because they're always spotted.
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#21
What's a snake's favorite subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
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#22
Why was the horse so happy?
Because he lived in a stable environment.
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#23
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
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#24
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
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#25
What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
I just love baskin' robins.
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#26
What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A cat-astrophe.
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#27
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side.
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#28
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
De-calf-inated.
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#29
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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#30
What's a frog's favorite year?
Leap year.
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#31
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
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#32
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
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#33
What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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#34
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They're always stuffed.
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#35
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
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#36
What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
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#37
Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey.
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#38
What do you call a crab that plays baseball?
A pinch hitter.
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#39
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
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#40
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.
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#41
Why do porcupines always win games?
They have the most points.
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#42
What do you call a wolf that knows what's going on?
Aware wolf.
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#43
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybe.
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#44
Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
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#45
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
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#46
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
They have two left feet.
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#47
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
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#48
What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A bat.
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#49
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssside.
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#50
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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