From the printer room to the boardroom, these jokes cover every square foot of your office. Guaranteed to be less painful than a mandatory team-building retreat.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
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Why did the stapler quit?
It felt too much pressure on the job.
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My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home. Technically, it was his idea.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms at work?
Because they make up everything — including the quarterly report.
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What's the most dangerous part of a spreadsheet?
The cell-ular division.
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I asked my boss if I could leave early due to a family emergency.
He said, "What emergency?" I said, "The one I'm about to create if I don't get out of this meeting."
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Why did the printer go to therapy?
It had too many issues and kept jamming everything up inside.
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What do you call someone who's always by the water cooler?
A hydration consultant.
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Why was the math teacher always early to work?
He liked to be on the dot.
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I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me.
He asked which ones. I said the electric company, the gas company, and the water company.
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What do you call a lazy person who works at the keyboard?
A space cadet.
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Why did the accountant become an artist?
To draw interest.
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What did the pen say to the paper?
I find you very note-worthy.
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Why did the photocopier go to jail?
It was caught making copies — and the real ones couldn't be told apart from the fake ones.
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What do you call a sleeping CEO?
A nap-reneur.
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My boss told me to think outside the box.
So I started working from my car. He did not mean that.
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Why did the employee bring a ladder to the office?
To climb the corporate ladder, obviously.
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What's a computer's favorite snack at work?
Microchips.
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Why did the manager cross the road?
To get to the other side — of the org chart.
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What does a cloud wear to work?
Thunderwear.
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I quit my job at the soap factory.
I felt like I was just going through the motions.
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Why did the PowerPoint break up with Excel?
It felt like their relationship had too many slides and not enough rows.
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What do you call a sleeping IT department?
A tech nap.
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How do HR managers end a call?
"Let's align offline."
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Why did the intern bring a broom to work?
They were told to sweep through the data.
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What's a fax machine's life motto?
I still have purpose — nobody's told me otherwise yet.
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Why don't offices have windows?
Because then everyone would see how much work is actually getting done.
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What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their wins in the office lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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Why did the budget get so small?
It was on a strict fiscal diet.
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What do you call an employee who works hard all night?
Overtime — and also possibly a little unhinged.
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How does a project manager sleep?
First they plan it. Then they revise the plan. Then they ask the team if the plan is still on track. Then they revise the plan again.
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What do you call a supervisor who always interrupts?
A micro-manager-ment consultant.
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Why did the spreadsheet go to the doctor?
It had too many cells acting up.
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What do you call a business meeting that goes nowhere?
A circle jerk-ular progress update.
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I asked my IT guy to fix my computer.
He said, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" I said no. He said, "That's the fix." We've been doing this for 11 years.
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What does a networking event and a bowl of spaghetti have in common?
Both have a lot of connections but things get messy fast.
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Why did the developer quit his job?
He didn't get arrays.
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What do you call a penguin in the office?
Well-dressed. But still not getting past the dress code policy.
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Why did the coffee get a performance review?
It was constantly perking up productivity but management wanted metrics.
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How many meetings does it take to change a lightbulb?
We'll schedule a discovery call to align on that and circle back with action items.
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What do you call a boring speaker at a conference?
A droner in human form.
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I told my coworker I was reading a book about anti-gravity at work.
It's impossible to put down — also HR wants to speak with me about productivity.
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What's the official language of the office?
Corporate-ese. Fluency required; translation: "Let's take this offline" means "stop talking."
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Why did the employee stare at his computer all day?
He was told the screen saver was important work.
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What did the cubicle say to the open floor plan?
You tore down my walls but you never really knew me.
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How do office workers greet each other?
"Per my last email..."
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Why did the executive go to the gym?
To work on his bottom line.
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What do you call a business that sells nothing but ladders?
A company on the rise.
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Why was the résumé always nervous?
It had a lot of things to cover and was terrified of background checks.
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